Editor's note: The following is an excerpt from Court transcripts of my trial. Please note there is very little detail here in order to keep myself anonymous.

DA: Can you please state for the record what exactly led you to take the vehicle in question from xxxxxxx to your residence at xxxxxxxxxxx?

Me: The reasons were personal, however I had every intention of returning the vehicle as soon as possible.

DA: What were these personal reasons?

PD: Objection

Judge: Overruled, please answer the question.

Me: to consummate my relationship.

DA: How do you mean?

Me: Well, I had been developing a relationship with that truck for several months and I felt it was time to take it to the next level.

DA: Can you clarify what you intended to do to consummate this relationship?

PD: Objection, these facts are not in dispute your honor, the defense argues that the real issue is whether or not state laws apply in this case since the only pertain to people and animals.

Judge: Objection is noted, however, the facts regarding what was done need to be clearly established. Overruled.

PD: Then I ask my client to plead the fifth on this question so that he may not incriminate himself further.

Judge: Noted, defendant may step down.

(later)

After reviewing the evidence, I have decided to hold the defendant over for psychiatric evaluation. Court is adjourned.